13 May 2012
A few days ago, someone asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. Without hesitation, I said one word: "SLEEP!"
I have to say, I have been quite lucky. Sophia has been a very good baby; she is gaining weight, she cries when she is hungry, dirty or tired. She knows how to take the bottle, how to nurse, and how to use a pacifier. She does all the things that one could hope from a 6 week old. And she is a pretty good sleeper.
But no matter what, night after night of getting up in the middle of the night for feedings catches up to you. The other day, when Sophia had woken up at 330am to feed, fell back to sleep around 430 am, and then was up again at 5am and 6am fussy for no apparent reason, I was beyond exhausted the next morning. I felt guilty for complaining about it, but when I spoke to my workout buddy with a 20 month old the next day, she simply said "Tired is tired".
What Sophia Gave to Me
On Saturday night, my husband and I were able to join MizzFIT at an art gallery/wine tasting event from 6-8pm. My parents, who have been extremely helpful, offered to baby sit. Excited to be in an adult environment, Rob and I rushed down to the Chelsea area where the galleries are and were back home by 830pm. Exhausted, we both fell asleep before 10pm on a Saturday night.
Since Sophia has been born, even when I can sleep, I find it difficult to get into a deep sleep; I am half listening every night to her on the baby monitor and expecting to wake up. Several times, I have woken up just a few minutes before I hear her crying, reiterating to me the strength of the mother-daughter bond.
The night before Mother's Day was no different from my end; I woke up at 1am, 3am, 5am, waiting to hear Sophia. I didnt. Finally, at 630am, we heard her. Granting me my Mother's Day wish, Rob got up to feed her at 630am while I slept a little more! I hesitate to even put this in writing because I cannot believe that Sophia will actually truly start to sleep from 830pm (when we put her down) until 630am at 6 weeks old! And I especially hesitate to write this because of all my readers who did not and are not experiencing this! But it was a great mothers day gift!
What Sophia REALLY Gave to Me
Some women say they are in love the minute their baby is born. They immediately forget what life was like before them and are totally inamored right off the bat.
I was in love the moment Sophia was born. It may sound cliche, but when I hold her close to me, I do literally feel my heart skip a beat. But I have not yet forgotten what life was like without her. It has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster and, through all the dirty diapers, feedings, and laundry, there are certainly times when I feel as though I have lost myself and I feel this desire to run out of the house and towards my previous life. There have been times where I have gotten out of the house, without Sophia, and while I am constantly thinking about her, I feel an urge to stay out as long as I can.
I know once Sophia becomes more interactive, it will feel more "rewarding". I do talk to her now, but of course it is a one-way conversation. But then she will make a noise, or look at me, or I will cuddle with her. And I know that Sophia has given me a lot more than just sleep.
What I hope to Give To Sophia
Family tradition, love, and support while encouraging individuality.
When it comes to following the path of the previous women in her family, Sophia already has a head start. Sophia was due on March 26th, which is my mother's birthday. While she was a few days late, she was born on March 30th, which was Rob's Maternal Grandmother, Eleanor's, birthday. Sophia's middle name is Eleanor, as she is named after my Paternal Grandmother, Sylvia and Rob's Maternal Grandmother, Eleanor.
Installing family tradition and values from a young age is very important. Sophia and I were fortunate to have my mother stay with us for a week. Watching my mother with Sophia was amazing; she had the patience and love towards Sophia that I hope I could emulate. My mother, who is extremely dedicated to her job, never forgot what was most important and I hope to give Sophia the love and unconditional support that my mother gave to me, and continues to give me until this day.
While my mother was always there for me, she taught me that individuality is important as well. I often wonder what Sophia will like when she is older and the path she will choose for herself. I ask her but, of course, right now there is no response. I guess only time will tell.
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