Hi guys. This blog post is a personal one where I'm just going to open up about what I like to call my "fertility experiment". I know tons of women are going through what I recently experienced or maybe they're just beginning to think about it. Either way, I hope my story in some small way helps.
Let me start by saying that I never thought I'd be the girl (or rather woman) who would have to freeze her eggs. When I was younger, I always envisioned myself married with kids by my age (I won't divulge the number...sorry...but I am sure you can Google it). As I got into my 30's, my career became so freakin' important to me. I made it a priority. I promised myself I would succeed in what I loved to do before I'd even consider having a family.
Well, that time has finally arrived for me. I'm now at a place where I feel comfortable in my career and need to start evaluating what I want to do about having kids. I won't lie. I'm still very confused. If you read my 2018 New Year's Resolutions blog post, I talk about it there...and how I wobble on the issue. Anyway, at least I'm seriously thinking about it.
My journey with egg freezing started 2 years ago when I walked into a fertility center in my birth city of Saint Louis, Missouri. Ultimately I decided not to freeze my eggs with their team because I wasn't mentally or financially prepared to do it at that time. A huge part of me wishes I had though because I was younger and probably would have produced more eggs. It just wasn't my time though.
This past January of 2018 was my time...the vision of myself as a mother was growing stronger. I didn't want to lose the chance for it to become a reality. I signed up for the fertility program at Weill Cornell Center for Reproductive Medicine in New York City and the rest you can see unfold in my video.
WATCH IT below or link to it here: My Egg Freezing Experience | Bianca Jade's Fertility Story
I made this video below to provide a glimpse of what I experienced as I went through the cryo egg preservation process. In retrospect, I wish I had been a lot more informed than I was when I first signed the papers and wrote my checks...but what can I say? You live and learn. My experiences became my education with every step of the treatment.
The only thing I would change now if I could go back in time is that I would have gone to CCRM New York instead. It's not a fertility factory there. And if I freeze my eggs again, that's where I'm going to do it. I don't want to get into too many details because even though I didn't enjoy the process of freezing my eggs (I mean who likes giving themselves shots?), I feel I would've appreciated the program had I felt that my doctor really gave a damn. He didn't.
I found him to be so insensitive. Yes, I was on hormones, but even so... When you go through cryo egg preservation, it's a delicate time in your life because you are producing eggs that could BE THE ONE--the child you bring into this world! You could also produce bad eggs and the whole thing could be one gigantic failure. Why be insensitive to someone dealing with this kind of pressure? Right?
Other than disliking my doctor and the hospital I went to, everything else was decent. If I can leave you with any wisdom, it's that... (1) not only is this process a big financial and emotional investment, but (2) it's a lot like choosing a new gym to join. You want to pick the right gym with a vibe that fits your style, mood and personality. The classes and the instructors are key, right? Choosing a fertility center is the same thing! Talk to the nurses, the staff, the doctors, etc. If they're not friendly, they'll never be. If they seem not to care too much, that's because they're jaded from seeing too many patients. Talk to women or other couples who have already gone through egg freezing. Find out what their "gym memberships" were like.
The upside of my egg freezing story--because the truth is that it wasn't ALL bad--is that my retrieval was a piece of cake! I felt very little pain afterwards and comfortably eased off the hormones. I actually kind of missed the hormones...they slowed me down, lowered my ADD (yup, I got that) and I slept like a baby at night. I also didn't care about a lot of stuff that usually gets me fired up. I wasn't completely myself...and I sort of enjoyed being removed from my normal.
Every woman experiences something different so don't look at my story and feel it's the standard. Like everything else here on Mizzfit.com, it's just an opinion from a girl who passionately believes in transformation and being the best version of yourself at all times (even when you're bloated and emotional).
I don't entirely know how to end this blog post because it's 3:30am and I feel like I'm sleepily typing from the heart. But I will say this (as cheesy as it sounds): you're not alone. If you never thought you'd be here--doing this--at this point in your life, I feel you. It's OK. You're here. Own it with us because this sisterhood doesn't judge. We share, we support and for God's sake, we want you to have that baby you always dreamed of.
Thank you for reading and watching my personal moments. I love you. Goodnight. --BJ